Dear Santa,
There's only one thing I want for Christmas this year, but unfortunately it's a very big ask. Please, could I never, ever hear about "Harry and Meghan" ever again?
I don't need anything material. I was tremendously lucky this year—I got the camera I've wanted for years, and the first work I made with it paid for it. That's enough of a Christmas present for me for any three years. You can take some time off when it comes to me. Kick back, Santa. Put your feet up. Smoke a pipe.
And don't get me wrong, I have no animosity toward Harry and Meghan. It's perfectly fine with me if they go on being pampered and privileged, not to mention pouty and peevish, for the remainder of long lives. I just don't want to hear about it, that's all.
And don't think I ever go out of my way to learn anything about Harry and Meghan, either. I don't. I never have. All I know is what I encounter accidentally, just from being exposed to the culture. Headlines. Pictures. Alerts on my devices. Items in the news. Not only is it way too much, not to mention as never-ending as Chinese water torture, but it appears to be unavoidable. What do I need to do? Voyage in a bathysphere to the crushing depths of the Marianas Trench? Build a cabin in the remotest wooded tracts of the Alaskan interior? Give it a go in a cave in the heights of the Himalayas? I'm tired, Santa. I'm weary. I'm asking for a break. Make it permanent. Please.
I love the UK and generally am kindly disposed toward the British, from whom I am mostly descended. And I understand if the British feel differently about this. From appearances, that whole population must be desperately and endlessly concerned about the welfare of this poor put-upon pair, and need to know the latest details about the manner in which the not-so royal couple are radiating the intense misery of their rampant untreated narcissism at every minute. I understand. But, Santa, I'm not even British. If the entire royal family and all of their peccadilloes disappeared tomorrow, I might miss the pageantry but it wouldn't affect my life. I'm an American. I live in rural Upstate New York. If every woman and man-jack the length and breadth of the Scepter'd Isle needs news about Harry and Meghan morning, noon, and night, that's their business and none of mine. I don't begrudge anyone their devotions or passions. They can go forth and prosper in whatever fashion they see fit. But I'm not one of them. Their concerns are not my concerns. Can I be left off the group emails? [I take this part back. I guess Meghan is American, which I didn't know, so we are half to blame for this. —Mike the chact fecker]
I know we humans have a tendency toward hyperbole. We're always "giving 110%" or "starving" if we feel the least bit peckish. But, honestly, Santa, I could not care less about Harry and Meghan. They do not interest me. I do not care about them the least little bit. Not a speck or a spot. Not one scintilla, which the dictionary says is a tiny trace or spark of a specified quality or feeling—right-O; not that much. I'm not exaggerating and those aren't figures of speech. I do not care. If I never hear one more word from or about "Harry and Meghan" for the rest of my life, it would be a relief and a balm and a salve. Could you arrange it? Please? Pretty please?
I'll leave you some milk and cookies, if that would help.
Mike
Kye Wood: "'OMG! HARRY AND MEGGS BRILLIANT EGGNOG RECIPE THAT'S STUPID SIMPLE WITH THIS ONE UNEXPECTED INGREDIENT!' Too soon?"
Stephen S. Mack: "I second your request from Santa. I also am descended from the British, and I want to pass along this tidbit: I admire the Brits. Any people who drive on the wrong side of the road and paint targets on their warplanes are OK in my book...."
louis mccullough (partial comment): "Like a divorce, the Sussexes leaving the UK is a bitter and unpleasant parting. The UK press and media are still hounding them with snide and sarcastic comment; it is sad you are joining in. The big story is about the way royalty and those in power behave and how their sycophantic supporters in the media help them. Behind their personal stories is a story about racism, media hate and a boy whose mother died whilst being hounded by the media."
Ed. note: For the full text of "partial comments," please see the full Comments Section.
Thomas Mc Cann: "I was born in Northern Ireland and so am British I suppose, but its not something to which I would claim.
For the last 40 years I have lived in the Republic of Ireland. I have zero interest in the Royals of any stripe. In Northern Ireland the news media would refer to 'The Queen.' On Irish RTE television they always quantify it by referring to 'The Queen of England.' I just love it."
Not THAT Ross Cameron: "I’m with you on the so-called news aspect. I don’t have anything against any of the royals as individuals. I have no interest in The Royal Family. Being Australian, I’d prefer to not have them as our technical Head of State either—we’re still a part of the Commonwealth. The referendum we had in 1999 came down on the No side (to a change in arrangements). We’ve got bigger fish to fry on the referendum front, so this won’t get another look-in for a while yet."
Arg: "Consider yourself lucky, Mike. My wife just made me watch the first three-hour-long episodes of the new Netflix series, 'Harry and Meghan.' All in one sitting. Then she promptly posted on FB about how sweet they are. When we socialise with friends, she conducts long conversations on the topic, especially how maligned they are. When she comes home from lunches with friends, she regales me with tales of how viciously and wrongly her friends assassinated Meghan's character. Again. Even though she is South African and I am Australian, and I could care less, and we live almost diametrically opposite to them, in Done Over (correction, Down Under). I fear my Christmas gift may well be a DVD set about, ahem....
"But I love her and she constantly mistakes me for the best thing since sliced bread. So, what's a poor guy to do? Cheers."
Mike replies: I'd play along. There's a lot to like about being loved. :-)
Can I amend “Taylor Swift” to your request?
Posted by: Kenneth Tanaka | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 11:10 AM
I am British and being an Expat particularly patriotic as Ex Pats generally are. But I too am sick to death of the attention the media even here in Italy give to this pair of exhibitionists and the rest f the Royal circus; and having to scroll deeply down the page of the news sites I read, to find some real news about stuff that really matters like our taxes being raised or our fuel bills shooting through the roof.Good days to hide bad news as they say.
To be fair to the British. I think a good majority do not give a toss about the antics of the Royal Family either. I had the misfortune that my short holiday this year to the UK coincided with the Queen's funeral. That weekend, I was supposed to go out for a meal with my elderly mother (who is fast declining with Alzheimer's disease) and my brother. It was ruined because restaurants amongst other places were ordered to close.
Anyway we cooked ourselves. We went afterwards to the local park, and people were playing tennis and parents were out with their kids, just like any other day. So much of this stuff is media driven.
Britain has many good things going for it, but i personally loath the pomp and pageantry part.
Posted by: Nigel Voak | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 11:35 AM
Hi mike,
As a 'once upon a time' Brit, I can assure you most of us don't care either.
James (The Kenosha Cockney)
Posted by: James | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 11:57 AM
A Very Big Ask Indeed says my British wife . . .
Posted by: Ken James | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 12:16 PM
No sh*t!
Sorry for the language.
Posted by: Mike Plews | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 12:47 PM
I second that emotion...
Posted by: Yonatan Katznelson | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 12:57 PM
I would add Ye and Trump to that request. Sick, sick, sick of having them shoved in my face multiple times per day.
Posted by: James Bullard | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 01:01 PM
You have misunderstood. The British do not care about Harry and Meghan, or indeed the whole Royal family very much: the Americans do. Do you think Netflix would make huge exoensive series for tiny UK audience many of whom still live in mud huts? Of course they would not: they are making it for Americans.
(I am not British but I know some quite well and do sometimes live there / with one.)
Posted by: Zyni | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 01:08 PM
I’m British and agree with you. I had hoped that, when they departed for California, that they would become someone else’s problem and would embrace the privacy they evidently really don’t want. Our execrable media, which I don’t read or support with the exception of The Guardian, just won’t leave their creation alone. And yet their latest appearance is on Netflix, which is an American media company. The US end of my family includes a journalist working for CBS in New York; he tells me there’s a fascination for British Royal stories in some parts of the US population. Beyond my understanding.
Posted by: David Wilson | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 01:48 PM
Of course I have heard of them, but I find it very easy not to click on articles online, to switch off celebrity radio programmes, and not to watch TV at all. So it doesnt much bother me. I'm English, live in Scotland, and amongst my friends, colleagues and acquaintances no one has ever mentioned this pair in conversation, but I suspect that there are a small subset of the UK populace that lap this up, or the media wouldnt bother.
Posted by: Ritchie Thomson | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 02:46 PM
As an Englishman I say “welcome to the club”! I heard of the death of Harry’s mother on the radio in the middle of the night and while still half asleep I thought “at least we won’t have to hear any more of her”. How wrong I was! And now we have her paraded again by her son. And from America, where he has gone to escape racism and a history of slavery!
Posted by: Richard Parkin | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 04:43 PM
To be honest I think we should kick the whole royal family to the kerb and have done with that feudal period nonsense for once and for all.
Really, I see no difference between the Royals and the Kardashians, they’re just celebrities with their fan groups and their celebrity nonsense and I don’t give one whit about any of them.
Posted by: Antony Shepherd | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 06:05 PM
Santa may not have enough oomph to pull this off so I'll just add -- Amen.
Posted by: Will | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 06:23 PM
Whilst I can appreciate that some stories can be of no interest to some people that is not to say that they are stories which should not be heard.
Like a divorce the Sussexes leaving the UK is a bitter and unpleasant parting.
The UK press and media are still hounding them with snide and sarcastic comment, it is sad you are joining in.
The big story is about the way royalty and those in power behave and how their sycophantic supporters in the media help them.
Behind their personal stories is a story about racism, media hate and a boy whose mother died whilst being hounded by the media. Whose father married and divorced whilst allegedly continuing a relationship with another woman who has now been made queen.
Perhaps you should reflect that you would not want to be either of them and accord them some sympathy. Being annoyed by their money is not healthy.
I have no love of royalty and would be happy to see it gone but I can see the hurt 2 people have suffered through no fault of their own.
I am sick of hearing about Americans love affair with guns and the daily shootings of innocent people but I hope that some day it will stop. Likewise I detest the racism in America and the death of so many black people by police. The deaths of so many who cannot afford the most basic health care.
Yes there are so many sad stories which have at their root some basic truths about us humans.
["And don't get me wrong, I have no animosity toward Harry and Meghan. It's perfectly fine with me if they go on being pampered and privileged, not to mention pouty and peevish, for the remainder of long lives. I just don't want to hear about it, that's all." --Mike]
Posted by: louis mccullagh | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 06:29 PM
Mike,
The Royals were generally only in the U.S. media when there was a big event, such as a coronation or wedding, or a death. That was then.
I remember watching the wedding of Charles and Diana, when the hostess of the house called out to her husband in the kitchen as he cooked the chili (which was quite delicious later). "Oh, you should see St. Paul's!" He retorted, "Why, has it changed any?" :>)
I'm surprised you didn't know Meghan was American. It seemed as though every TV commentator would say, "Meghan, the American actress". It reminded me of the news articles from the late '70s and on, wherein the writers referred to "gas-guzzling V-8s", as though that were the proper term.
Posted by: Dave | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 07:00 PM
Amen.
Posted by: Patrick Wahl | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 07:32 PM
For Pete's sake - I thought you were talking about "Harry and Sally" from When Harry Met Sally - perhaps a re-visit to the 1989 film with an updated thematic twist of Christmas (only wishing here) . . . then "reality" set in . . . I'm more comfortable settling for my fiction instead . . . LOL!
Posted by: Geno | Saturday, 10 December 2022 at 09:56 PM
> Please, could I never, ever hear about "Harry and Meghan" ever again?
Be careful what you wish for, Mike : I'd like to hear about you and TOP for a long time ! ;)
Posted by: NikoJorj | Sunday, 11 December 2022 at 01:51 AM
Another Brit who agrees with you about this couple. Fortunately I don't have Netflix so have not been able to watch the series even if I wanted to!
Lots of good comments above, except the one about the restaurant being closed on the occasion of the Queen's funeral. Nothing was ordered to close. I agree however that pretty much everything did close. Whether out of respect for her late majesty or out of desire to match the prevailing sentiment I don't know and hesitate to speculate. I do think that the tabloid newspapers would have eviscerated any business that actually required its staff to work on that day. (And of course lots of people were working that day - emergency services, hotel staff, and so on.)
Posted by: Tom Burke | Sunday, 11 December 2022 at 02:26 AM
Who?
Since I lost my short term memory, following far too many doses of morphine and ketamine at the hands of the NHS, whilst attempting to give birth to a 5mm kidney stone, such trivia passes through from one ear to the other. Fortunately, I still have my cherished memories.
----------------------------
Actually, I do know who, but I have found that my "free" NHS, or should that be "National Ill-health Service" has for once, provided me with a real "service". My was it painful though!
Knocks Crohn's disease into the roadside verge.
Fortunately, I can still read, and through sheer serendipity, I am now blessed with this handy new filter.
Fun fact, my surgeon was called Ms. Willis :)
Posted by: Stephen Jenner | Sunday, 11 December 2022 at 03:14 AM
There is a section of the public here that worships the royals but I detect the same sort of feeling in Americans towards whoever is POTUS at the time.
I used to say I was a republican but nowadays I say parliamentarian because I tend to think our constitutional monarchy gives us the worst possible constitution — except for all the rest. And one thing the Trump fiasco has shown us is that the US is also effectively a monarchy and your constitution, like ours, depends on decent people “doing the right thing” but if they don’t it can all fall apart.
To my way of thinking the main difference between UK and US is that we’ve had our Charles 1st moment and you have yet to have it.
Posted by: Richard Parkin | Sunday, 11 December 2022 at 06:50 AM
I wish Santa would find a way to shut Jordan Peterson up already.
Posted by: Robert Roaldi | Sunday, 11 December 2022 at 12:51 PM
I have a growing list of people I don’t want to hear about, but they’re pretty far down on that list.
Posted by: John | Sunday, 11 December 2022 at 01:02 PM
Who?
If there was ever a princess born, it is Kate Middleton. And the prince for Kate is William.
Kate was not born into royalty, but she is what many little girls dream of becoming.
Posted by: darlene | Sunday, 11 December 2022 at 06:45 PM
5 minutes before I read your post, I read this in the New York Times:
< https://www.nytimes.com/2022/12/11/opinion/contributors/kei-komuro-princess-mako-japan-love.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare>
It’s safe for you to read, as it doesn’t mention H or M…
Posted by: Simon Grosset | Monday, 12 December 2022 at 04:03 AM
louis mccullagh, thank you.
Posted by: Alex Mercado | Monday, 12 December 2022 at 11:02 AM
I find it interesting that in these types of comments, people always are really happy to be "all superior" about how the Royals are unelected and "never would we free Americans tolerate such nonsense, we had a revolution to get away from all that" etc. etc. And yet it is Americans who are particularly fascinated by the Royals and that is largely why the Harry and Meghan Netfix show exists. The fact of the Roosevelts, Kennedys, Clintons and the Bushes also give a lie to the idea that there is no concept of "special families" in the US. The British largely think this sort of self-seeking way of making money rather unseemly, as I do. If they don't want to be in the Royal family then don't use it to provide you income and at the same time bitch about the family. As to whether the US system of government is superior is highly debatable, given the equally large iniquities produced by both systems of government over the years. I'd also rather have a Queen Elizabeth or a King Charles III than any kind of Trump as a head of state.
Posted by: Chris | Monday, 12 December 2022 at 11:17 AM
I recommend you actually watch the Netflix documentary before you add to the media criticism of these people. There is actually a photography angle to the story, if you can call the paparazzi photographers. Lots of gear on display, at any rate.
Posted by: Rich Jacobson | Tuesday, 13 December 2022 at 12:07 AM
I miss occasionally MFT in your world Mike (How can one praise small format when there are bigger/big formats? 😉), but on this one I am wholeheartedly with you. No, I am not for shutting their - or anybody‘s mouths - I only wish our media would find a way not to publish and spread dementiaprone „news“ and „facts“. Take care!
Posted by: Robert | Tuesday, 13 December 2022 at 03:14 AM
I'm British and I'll stopped believing a single word this awful couple say as so many of their past claims have been easily verifiable as simply lies.
How anyone with even half a functioning brain or access to a computer so that they can do some basic checking can believe them I just don't know.
They don't need publicity, they don't need to be the centre of attention, they need extensive therapy.
Posted by: Alan | Tuesday, 13 December 2022 at 12:06 PM